It only feels right to start a new year with a new post, a new vision, and a whole new perspective.
So here I go, a new year and some new thoughts.
Did anyone else notice seriously how fast 2024 seemed to go? I mean my last blog post was back in June, and I seriously cant wrap my mind around where the time from then, till now even went, it was like here and then gone...i blinked. It really does put into perspective the saying that goes, 'the days are LONG, but the years are SHORT'...right?
This past year, man. it was definitely one for the books...and I dont mean like one of the 'good' books, i mean like the super sad, emotional roller coaster, reality show worthy, cant help but laugh my ass off and swear alot of bad words kind of books. Like no joke, im really not sure how we made it, but here we are...another day, another freaking year. yippie. LOL
Okay, so this last year, was hard, yes.
BUT...
of course, it was met with SO many good parts too! So, as I complain, I also must force myself to find some gratitude...even if just for a laugh, a hug, a moment, those MATTER...those COUNT. and we must CHOOSE to keep track of those!
I wonder if perhaps those tiny 'good' parts are the very things that allow us to keep going...and going...past that point you literally felt like you just couldn't anymore... I mean, could you even imagine how much less good those moments would have felt, if they weren't backed by all the shitty ones? No, because the reason that little laugh, that one hug, that single moment felt so freaking good, was most likely because you were feeling SO damn bad to begin with.
Its just like that feeling when you're standing in the pouring rain and all of a sudden out of nowhere, the sun peaks around the clouds and shines like these rays of warmth right on your face, and for one spit second the pouring rain just feels so freaking good you just cant even help but feel this sense of joy....meanwhile you are literally standing in the pouring freaking rain... the sun goes back in the clouds and you're probably on your way to go somewhere with your clothes and shoes on, your hair done, makeup maybe, but not any way, rain worthy attire or on rain worthy time...you know what im talking about?
Like, for a split second, your reality is different, your clock stops, and you feel happy, for no reason at all.
Its like a 'God thing' I like to think.
This year will be the 16th year I have survived this life without my whole, immediate family and my 8th year living this life with duchenne, so, I know without a doubt, the hard, is lurking, the tears, are filling and more pieces of my heart are already tearing apart, BUT, i like to also remember, with age has also come wisdom, and this year, I am going to do my best to be wiser and really relish in those sunshine thru the rain moments...and i hope you will too.
The past few years, we have had this tradition, we call it "The Good Stuff Jar" and if you've been to my house, im sure you have seen the tall ugly jar that sits right on my kitchen counter and depending what part of the year you come, will depend on how full or empty the jar is...because at the beginning of the year, we start with an empty jar, and as moments pass, we simply write a good thing on a post it and toss it in the jar. (the 'good' stuff) then on New Years Eve, we dump the whole jar on the table and we all share in reading them, every one of them...this really helps put the entire year into perspective. Even for the kids! This past year, all my kids were old enough to participate on their own, and to pull out post its your kids wrote on their own, that you didnt even know about, brought so many laughs and so many tears and so much JOY...and if im being honest, it brought me so much peace in my constantly wondering if I am even doing a good job in life as a mom...the simple fact that the kids are able to see, find, know and be thankful for these small glimmers of hope and happiness and love, despite how freaking sad and hard their little lives are, gives me so much peace in all this chaos.
If you are needing a new tradition this year, I pray you will consider the jar.
happy new year friends.
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