I have experienced an extensive amount of hardship over the course of my adult life. Hardship, that of course has changed me on so many levels. Hardship that has opened my eyes to so many things and has closed my heart to so many other things. Hardship changes your core. Hardship has literally redefined who I am from the inside out. It has forced me to grow and face reality in a much different way than many other people will ever have to face it. Hardship has scared away my community. Literally, it has caused so many people to scatter from me it is almost unbelievable... And brings my thoughts to the sad reality that maybe because of my hardship the idea of true-family-like community is a bit impossible for me. Its like my hardship literally makes people uncomfortable, if they know me or know any part of my story, they avoid me like the Plague or are so fake with me our interactions are just awkward. I go places sometimes and I walk into the room and its like being the new kid walking into the high school cafeteria....
AND I HATE IT.
The worst part, is so many of these 'uncomfortable' people are 'church' people and honestly it really affects my heart. My faith is solid. By my heart, because of hardship, is fragile and I often read scriptures and wonder if I am the only one reading it...or I watch sermons and wonder if I am the only one watching. I wonder where the sinners are hiding....because honestly I would rather them be my community and be REAL. I cant hang with all these 'church' people anymore. This is why 'church' gets a bad wrap...this is why Jesus is so hugely misunderstood. This is why I choose to be open and honest. This is why hardship and community are a tough to mesh together.
And I am so over it.
I am over people telling me they are here for me...and then I need them and they are never available. I am over NO ONE ever asking me how I am. I am over not being cared for by so many people who say they care. I am over putting my heart in the hands of so many who dont give it any glue. I am over people saying I push them away. I am over people using me, my story and my kids as a way of making themselves feel better. I am over biting my tongue. I am over the fakeness. I am over 'church' people judging my walk with Christ.
If it werent for hardship we would have no reason for community. So why on earth is it so difficult to just love a person and all their baggage?
And He still does.
I tell you...hardship changes a person.
But so does Jesus. And if you know Jesus, someones hardships should only make you want to be better in community with them.
We recently went to Flordia, and the reality of our current hardships was made very clear. Duchenne with two boys.
And we are scared.
Terrified of these upcoming days, weeks, months, years as we continue down the road of hardship with the lack of family and a deficit of true-solid community.
Flordia was a real eye-opener.
Flordia has changed me.
*Now, I just gotta take a second to say, I do have a few amazing girlfriends, they know exactly who they are. They help me when I need it, they watch my kids, they offer laughs, tears and advice, they are believers, even when its hard. They are amazing. And I fail to give these ladies the credit they deserve. I hope they know how much I appreciate their authenticity and unconditional love. If it weren't for these few ladies, I would have NO ONE. Thank you friends.*
**If you dont know the Jesus I speak of, I would love to tell you about Him. Please dont hesitate to ask. Our life is build on Him. And I am confident in the fact that He is why we get thru our hardships and He is how we will live with Duchenne.**
***This Monday we are hosting an MDA (Muscular Dystrophy Association) fundraiser to raise money for the Muscle Walk! I hope you will join us and support our family. Or if you want to donate directly to our walk, you can do that too! BUT #TeamMogensen would love to see your actual, physical face for dinner as a COMMUNITY in our hardship.***
Romans 5:3-5 New International Version (NIV)
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.