I'm sure you've all heard the saying...
"It takes a village..."
You know,
it takes a village...to raise a family,
it takes a village...to take care of kids,
it takes a village...to be a good wife, friend, person....ect...Blah. Blah. Blah.
And as I grow older, this phrase just annoys me even more...because the truth is, we dont need a village, and sadly, there are many of us who dont have a village, but God did equip each one of us, individually, to do exactly what He planned for us to do and all we really need is Him, all it really takes is Him. And the more we pretend and wrongfully insist that we all need this per say 'village' and force us to believe the lie that it does 'take' a village to be successful...the harder we make it for everyone to do what they are called to do.
A village is defined as 'a clustered human settlement or community with a population ranging from a few hundred to a few thousand people'.
Um...I dont know about you, but I for one, dont even know 100-1000 people, nor do I have the energy in finding 100-1000 people.
And I dont know about you, but the older I get the less interested I am in being part of a village and the more I wish I just had some REAL people in my everyday life.
Like FOR REAL.
When my family died, I was literally the only one left behind. My everyday, REAL people died. And I was left to figure life out on my own. Yes, extended family and friends remained, there were even people I didnt know coming out to "help" but at the end of the day, I was on my own.
A village of ONE.
And I Survived.
So clearly, it does not take a village...it takes strength, courage, tears and Jesus.
Sounds like a cliche' I know, but it is true.
And over the years, I have had SO many people come and go...and some come again and then go again...some I considered best friends, some family, most I thought were here to stay...most I hoped were here to stay...but so few were meant to stay. And for a long time, this physically brought pain to my heart because even with strength, courage, tears and Jesus...loneliness always creeps in.
And loneliness changes you.
It has for sure changed me. Some ways for the good, brought me closer to Jesus, helped me trust God more. But also for the bad because when you survive in a village of one for so long, you loose that 'need' to rely on others so much, you would rather be alone than be disappointed.
So now here we are, 11 years after the accident...
And I find myself in a familiar place...the boys were diagnosed with Duchenne, and I had so many people...friends, family, people I didnt even know...loving us, caring for us, supporting us...when it was easy for them...but, like always at the end of the day...I was on my own.
A village of one.
And I am surviving.
But Barely.
Strength, courage, tears, and Jesus.
And then, I recently read an article, which insisted if we just focus on the good, a friend who brings you coffee, an inlaw who makes your kids special needs part of their party planning, or a phone call with your mom, this life with Duchenne, would be a bit more manageable....and yes, I can see if you got lucky enough to have that kind of friend, that kind of inlaw, and your mom living here on Earth, it would for sure help make it thru these days...but when you dont have any of those things, those people; the darkness of Duchenne, is only darker and the days with Duchenne are only harder. And for those of us, living this life with Duchenne, without those things and those people...these words only make the sting of this life burn a bit more.
So no, it does not take a village to do anything, but the idea of being part of one, especially now that life is THIS hard, doesnt sound so bad afterall. And if you are lucky enough to get to call your mom, or have a thoughtful inlaw, or that one amazing friend, you really should thank God for that.
Duchenne is hard.
And its much harder when you dont really have any 'people' to do it with.
Even when you have strength, courage, tears and Jesus.
Even when you focus on the good.
Even when you have a village of 100-1000.
Duchenne is hard.