I have heard my fair share of insensitive and "rude" comments thru my years of tragedy and heartache. I often wonder if people are just that UN-intelligent or if they are just that rude or perhaps they are just that uncomfortable that they just say "those" things that are "normal" in certain situations...
"God only gives hard things to those who can handle them..."
"Everything gets better with time..."
"They are in a better place now..."
"Everything happens for a reason..."
"Hardship only makes your faith stronger..."
"Those you love, never really leave you..."
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...
And we ALWAYS give these people, these comments, these in-sensitivities a pass, because lets face it...we are all human...and we all sometimes say things that may not be the best things to say at the best time...right?
But seriously, why do we get passes when we are being so INSENSITIVE?!?! Why do we get and give passes for being so freakin RUDE? How will we ever see changes in the World, if we allow people to keep saying things that are just not helping anyone, simply because we have been saying them for so long? Simply because being insensitive to others feelings is the "NORM" simply because being rude is the "NORM"and using these rehearsed lines as a form of false empathy when someone is hit with tragedy in order to make things "easier" for ourselves?! WHY? How has this become acceptable?
Lets be real, its NOT acceptable. Its NOT okay. And I am just so tired of giving passes to people who think it is.
And I dont think I have ever read in my bible, "it is okay to be a jerk, when..."
This past weekend, we went to the Arizona Science Center...Clearly, this type of thing is not something a family with Duchenne can do easily...this takes a bit of some planning and a bit of equipment...but hey we are trying to #MakeEverydayCount so its worth every drop of sweat, every ounce of frustration and every added minute it takes to get moving.
Well I don't really know for sure anymore, but I want to tell myself it is...
One mini van, one ramp with one scooter on the outside, one scooter on the inside, a stroller in the trunk, three kids, two parents (THANK GOD) and a bag of snacks.
Sounds fun, right?
Finally we make it, pull into the parking garage to find NO Handicap spots open on 3 levels of cement. So we just park in an "open" area to have enough space to unload. Get to the elevator and only the scooters will fit with one adult. So two elevator trips it is.
46 minutes later, we finally exit the parking garage...yes, the parking garage...and honestly...feeling pretty accomplished if you will. Like we just defeated the bad guy in a movie scene and we drop the mic and walk away...like I probably need a trophy for being such a bad ass...you know?
46 minutes later. I kid you not. Maybe a little less...but 46 seems legit to me.
And then it really begins...our fun adventure with Duchenne at the science center...
People stare. People pity smile. People whisper. People say rude things. People do rude things. People cut in front so they dont have to wait. People forget to hold doors. People laugh. People remain people...regardless of Duchenne.
We just keep walking, scootering, pushing, ect....trying to remind ourselves to not care about those people...God CHOSE US...We can do anything. We can do THIS.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...
And after about 8 minutes...you do kinda forget about the people and you just focus on "your people" and remember why you are there.
And all is good...
Until 2 hours later, a breaking point.
Those little "spurts" of fun, disappeared.
And I was completely out of those "passes" I had been giving out for insensitive people.
This one lady, her one unknowingly insensitive comment, her one laugh.
"Awh, they are too cute, they will make such great drivers when they are older..."
I had, had it.
"NO, Actually they may not ever get the chance to freaking drive, they have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Here is a card to tell you more about their rare disease, clearly, we dont just allow our kids to joy ride thru museums on scooters meant for 80 year olds."
In that moment, I dont think I smelt much like Jesus. And for that I have asked forgiveness. But In that moment, I was the best freakin mom in the building. Period.
I know for a fact, her comment was not said to hurt me, but the reality is...she could have used common sense. She could have just not said anything. She could have read the "medical alert" on the scooter that she had been starring at for awhile, took out her phone, googled Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and knew, her comment would not have been appropriate. Period. She doesn't get a freakin pass. None of us should.
Friends, we have got to be more mindful of the words we speak!! We cant blame it on, not knowing, or not understanding, or being uncomfortable...our words can help or hurt...and if we are unsure if they will be helpful or hurtful, just don't say anything. Just smile, extend a hug, offer a piece of candy, be awkward, or just disappear.
So, yes, Mason and Jax will be good drivers, if they get the chance to experience that freedom. But I dont need anyone to tell me that.